bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
