Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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