Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
