the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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