you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
