Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
