i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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