what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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