yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
