Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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