Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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