I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
