I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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