There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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