Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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