were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
