Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
soo... how was my night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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