you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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