Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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