I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
