i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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