He uses pillows to masturbate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
