hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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