Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
