i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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