so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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