Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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