It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
