She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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