I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
