Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
