I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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