They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
don't judge my taste in strippers
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
