i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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