Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
