mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
