Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
