I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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