girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
