The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
