Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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