i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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