The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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