Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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