the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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