omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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