i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
