If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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