What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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