By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
