So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
