my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Mom said you looked used
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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