I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
