two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You made out with two different species that night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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