so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
