the condom got lost in my hair
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize