the condom got lost in my hair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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