Umm I'm too high to move.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
